The News of Today is the History of Tomorrow August 11, 2023

1) Jim Jordan says multiple FascistBI offices “coordinated” on the memo targeting Catholics.

-So big deal, Jimmah. What are you going to do about it? You have enough evidence to pass impeachments of Myorkas, Rutabaga, Wray, and Grand Moff Garland.

-WHERE ARE THEY?

2) Well, well. It looks like all the Trump critics who said all of his campaign donations were going to his legal fund. Nope. His finances are far stronger than originally portrayed, and only a fraction goes to lawyers.

3) Meanwhile, new polls show . . . Trump’s favorability among Republicans now nears 60% and he has a 43-point lead over DeSantis

4)  . . . DeSantis has fallen behind Ramaswamy and is barely ahead of Pence, who (see previous poll) now has a 41% unfavorable rating.

5) Senator Joe Machin-on-a-Hill says he is “thinking seriously” about leaving the DemoKKKrat Party.

-You know how I feel about these headlines with “mulling,” “thinking about,” “considering,” “poised to,” “pondering,” and “prepared to.”

6) Good breakthrough in the treatment of sleep apnea without the CPAP device.

7) As we’ve always known the so-called scientific “consensus” on global warming is “manufactured.” It’s as genuine as Pam Anderson’s breasts.

8) While Rectalmonkey Counsel Jack Smith has admitted yet another error in obtaining a search warrant. Criminal, evil, demonic.

-Pray for President Trump.

9) Seniors’ medical debt has soared to $54 billion in unpaid debt.

-Well, part of this is that the health care system so jacks up prices ($2 for a Q-tip, and not the website), that people don’t feel obligated to pay with any alacrity.

10) Armed security will be required in all Texas public schools in 2024.

-Now, the only remaining question is, will the guys with the guns just stand outside the school as the cops did at Uvalde and “wait for backup”?

11) Slimy socialist Dinobernie funneled $200,000 in campaign money to his wife/stepson’s nonprofit. This shows you how stupid socialists are. Rutabaga funneled millions.

12) In his fight with Disney, Ron DeSantis again claims immunity from the Disney lawsuit over the Reedy Creek district. Former chud-cucker governors like Christie Todd Whitman signed a friend of the court brief for Disney, so you know DeSantis is right on this.

13) Brits are sick of Americans naming their kids after UK cities. Can’t wait for Kingston-on-Hull or Bath.

14) An American Indian group has threatened a national boycott (of what?) If the Washington Redskins don’t change their name back to . . . Redskins.

-And all this time, we Cowboy fans thought they were called the “Foreskins.”

15) Rutabaga, having made his ChiCom money, now bans investments because of a “national emergency.”

-What? Hunter’s out of blow?

16) The Supes blocked Purdue Pharma settlement that would have shielded the Sackler family from suits over deaths by Oxycontin in return for a $6 billion payout.

17) Devastating wildfires killed 36 Hawaiians, but Rutabaga just asked for $40 billion more for . . . Ukraine.

18) Speaking of corruption, Rutabaga had a 2014 dinner date with Russia’s richest woman linked to Pootie-poot and the Russkie mob after she wired $3.5 million to Hunter’s shell company and avoided Uke sanctions.

IN CULTURE NEWS

19) Good. The estate of a donor to Middlebury College, whose name was removed from a chapel he funded because of woke, can sue according to the judge.

20) Can’t make this up. David FrenchFry (“drag queen hours are a blessing to liberty”) and some other yokel will speak at a homosexual-affirming church (i.e., a heretical church) on how “evangelism lost its way.”

-They will be introduced by Lucifer and the False Prophet.

21) Church attendance goes hand in hand with political participation, but no one is more politically active than the atheist.

IN ECONOMIC NEWS

22) Citibank CEO Jamie Dimon may have a tough time convincing a jury he didn’t know about all the details involved in Jeffrey (he-didn’t-kill-himself) Epstein’s sex and pedo ring.

23) Mortgage rates jumped 7.09%.

24) Meanwhile credit card debt has soared past $1 trillion. Credit cards and auto loans are $1.6 trillion.

IN INTERNATIONAL NEWS

25) We have officially entered the assassination stage of resistance against populist candidates. Ecuadorian right-wing candidate Fernando Villavicencio has been assassinated.

26) Ukraine, which is not losing its war, has ordered evacuations of part of its northeast.

27) Mountain climbers on K2 were more interested in “setting records” than in saving the life of a porter who died as climbers walked over him. They threw a party later.

-Seriously, these must all be DemoKKKrats.

28) Man, some people are gonna be JONESIN . . . Mexico closed 23 pharmacies in tourist towns noted for selling counterfeit Oxy and Adderall.

IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS

29) AMC’s CEO warned of “the potential for cash burn” in the weaker winter months despite a successful movie season so far.

-Maybe he’s thinking about the negative impact of Snow Spooge and the Seven Ridiculously Stupid Not-Dwarfs.”

30) Woody Harrelson appeared to endorse RFK, Jr.

IN CHINA VIRUS

31) Lawyer Robert Barnes announced a big win in the fraud case against Pfizer as the court authorized the right to bring claims against others in the Brook Jackson whistleblower case.

32) Employees of Maine General Hospital who were fired over their refusal to take the poison vax, are now being begged to return.

-They better demand that both cheeks be kissed, and I don’t mean the ones on their faces.

AND FINALLY...

33) NBA Center Dwight (“Superman”) Howard officiated a wedding in Spain.

-I hope they weren’t marrying . . . on the rebound.

Bada bing.