The News of Today is the History of Tomorrow August 8, 2023

1) Judge Cannon, in the documents case, came out swinging against evil Jack Smith and his prosecutorial goblins, demanding to know why an out-of-state grand jury was continuing to be used in the docs case.

2) According to Julie Kelly, this is basically asking the defense to raise grand jury abuse as an issue.

3) A judge has ordered one of our very best reporters, Catherine Herridge, to turn over her sources regarding an FBI investigation into a Chinese scientist.

-Will she go to jail?

4) And he would be correct: Vivek Ramaswamy calls Juneteenth a “useless” holiday—but had celebrated it months earlier.

-This guy is looking slippery.

5) Is Hoax News finally done with the Clintons? The FBI shut down four criminal investigations into Cankles and Bill, and these findings in the Sloth Durham report were not disputed.

-Why is MSN weighing in on this?

6) Speaking of Cankles, new information shows her big can was canned from the Watergate committee because “she was a liar,” said the DemoKKKrat who supervised her.

7) Gooooooood. L.A. city employees will shut down today, joining the Hollywood strikes.

-Maybe if they shut down permanently, we could clean out the New Calcutta rathole.

8) Ectopia, better known as Portland, lost $1 billion over two years.

-Good. Let them go broke, the evil swinestraddlers.

9) And this on Ectopia: “When Portland Died.”

-I can’t help but think of the song “The Night They Drove ol Dixie Down.”

10) Megadonor Bob Bigelow has threatened to cut off funding to DeSantis if he doesn’t “go moderate.”

-The problem is that to make inroads with MAGA, DeSantis must be anything but moderate.

11) Low fiber intake may lead to later bowel disease. And what about habaneros?

12) Porky Pritzker can’t get enough of the Supes slapping down his stupid anti-gun laws. Here is the latest one that will be nullified: the DemoKKKrats there (which is to say, Illinois) are trying to ban marketing on AR-15s that “appeals to children.”

13) Homelessness has exploded in Oakland, Kollyfornia, making it the “land of milk and fentanyl,” says an activist.

14) Rutabaga has been sued over his student loan forgiveness plan.

IN CULTURE NEWS

15) The game “Fortnite” has suffered a major global outage with gamers complaining of a “supervised settings” glitch.

IN TRANSOID NEWS

16) Scholars say you can change your sex at will (despite that little thing called DNA or blood), but you can’t change your race.

17) Tennis legend and lesbian (“lesbegend?”) Martina Navratilova has criticized the USTA’s transoid inclusion policy.

18) Important election coming up in OH on issue 1 about parents’ rights and the unborn.

19) A McDonald’s employee reveals how iced tea is made: “Cans of diabetes.”

-Well, actually, “I’ll have a Big Mac and two cans of diabetes, please.”

20) David Blackmon notes that the fact that BP is considering building its own, non-gubmnent subsidized wind farms is treated as dangerous by the “Global Warming” crowd.

-Why? Cuz without gubment control, gosh, BP might decide later that the farms are unprofitable.

21) Of course it is: the EPA is ignoring the glaring problem of dirty electric vehicles.

-And the fires. Don’t forget the fires. Oh, and the fact that a replacement lithium battery costs more than a trip for four on a Bob-Iger-guided tour of Disney World.

22) Public anger arises in Chy-na as floodwaters were diverted into towns to save the provincial capital.

-Cuz, you know, in communism, people never count.

23) The Leftoid Scottish gubment cut down 16 million trees to put up wind farms.

-Yep. Lefty “environmentalism” at its best. “To save the planet, we had to kill it.”

24) The spoogeconsumed fecal gnat who runs the UN says Christians who don’t go along with globalist transoid policies will be excluded from society.

-No, you first, ya pigdribbler.

25) More wishful thinking: “Prigozhin’s Mutiny has Changed Everything in Russia,” then the article goes on to say, “Russia has more or less resumed ‘normal’ life.”

26) More than 3,000 troops are en route to the Middle East amid Iran's “tensions.”

-Having failed to get the US into a war in Ukraine, then Chy-na, then Niger, here is attempt #4.

https://thehill.com/policy/international/4141596-more-than-3000-us-troops-reach-red-sea-amid-iran-tensions/

27) No wonder the Euros so oppose the Uke War. They are paying out the nose.

28) Hmm. Did you know that this U.S. air force base in Niger is the largest U.S.-led construction project in recent history? Any connection to the coup? People wanna know.

IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS

29) John Gosling, former keyboardist for the 60s band, “The Kinks,” dead at age 75.

-Guess God got “So tired, tired of waiting.”

30) “Oppenheimer,” at $500 million, has become the highest-grossing WW II movie ever.

-Course, you need to adjust for inflation. BTW, “Barbie,” as I expected, reached $1 billion. With $100m more, it will match “Sound of Freedom” in profitability.

31) More evidence no one voted for this turnip. Rutabaga is “bookstore poison.”

32) Lizzo, the Human Planet, is in trouble as Variety and Daily Beast ditch her. “She was never as progressive as we wanted her to be.”

-I don’t care if she was progressive. I just want her to stop affecting the tides.

IN CHINA VIRUS NEWS

33) This is just sick, literally and metaphorically. Jay Bonnor lost FIFTEEN friends who “died suddenly,” and all were vaxxed, and four died within 24 hours of the vax. Three of them were “perfectly healthy” before the vax.

34) Steve Kirsch: the VAERs data is clear: China Virus vaxxes are killing 1 person in 1,000 doses (676,000 dead Americans).

35) Jax Jaguars Tyler Shatley had an a-fib incident at practice.

-I’m sure it wasn’t the vax.

36) Washington State U fired Dr. Reni Moon, who provided truthful testimony to the U.S. Senate in a fact-finding China Virus vax roundtable.

-Cuz, you know, universities don’t dare deal with the truth.

AND FINALLY...

37) And finally, yikes. An Italian boss of a cheesemaking company was crushed to death under 15,000 wheels of Parmesan cheese when a shelf collapsed. It is a reminder that when your time is up, it’s up. A DC man was killed when his dog leash was caught in a metro train door; Calvin Coolidge, Jr. died after a blister on his toe that he got from playing tennis got sepsis; Actress Isadora Duncan had her scarf get caught in a rear axle of the car in which she was riding; two Memphis garbage collectors were crushed to death in their compactor when they took refuge there to get out of a rainstorm; Michael Scaglione died while golfing–when he missed a shot he smashed his club against the golf cart and the head broke off, shooting into his throat and impaling him; Paul Thomas fell into a machine that wound yarn and was literally yarn-spooled to death; and a truck driver in Florida was crushed to death under a rack of nutty buddies.

But this one takes the cake. In 1988 a poodle fell 13 floors, hit Marta Espina on the head, killing both. Edith Sola, who witnessed this, came running over to help . . . and was killed by a bus.

Now, ya’ll go out and have a great day, and don’t be afraid of nuthin.

AND THAT'S TODAY'S NEWS