The News of Today is the History of Tomorrow
IN POLITICAL NEWS
1) The Rutabaga had a thoroughly inept speech in which he referred to the surrounded people in Kyiv as Iranians. Even Kampuchea Harris grimaced. Meanwhile, Botoxic rubbing her hands like “the Joker on meth.”
2) The man who called Americans white supremacists, who promised many would die during a “dark winter,” who called unvaxxed people a threat, and who sicced his AG on people who never committed any crimes calls for Americans to “stop seeing each other as enemies.”
-You first, Rutabaga. You first.
3) In her response to the State of the Union, Iowa Governor Kim Reynolds made a huge mistake. She said Biteme wanted to take us “back in time to the late ‘70s and early ‘80s.” She meant to say 1870s and 1880s, you know when Biteme’s party practiced segregation.
4) Just 41% of viewers responded positively to the SOTU, the lowest in 15 years since W’s address in 2007.
5) DemoKKKrats are flipping to Republican in a “political upheaval” of border towns.
6) . . . while at a donor retreat in Florida, governors, and big-bucks donors were “expressing deep anxiety.” Relax folks. The Rutabaga said everything’s great. People are just too stupid to understand.
7) Only Congresswomen Lauren Boebert and Majorie Taylor Greene show any cajones in the State of the Union by chanting “Build the Wall.”
8) A Michigan judge has denied a motion to dismiss charges by three kidnap plot defendants in the Gretchen (Witless Protection) Witmer case, ruling that the entrapment motion could still be argued to a jury.
9) Just when you think they can’t get any stupider, a woke prof. says the U.S. went to war because of white supremacy.
-Yeah, bombs, and torpedoes at Pearl Harbor had nothing to do with it. These squidpickles ought to be forced to listen to non-stop Yoko Ono albums til they get their mind right.
10) File under “But Trump has lost his juice #112″: Trump-endorsed candidates in Texas were undefeated in the primaries.
11) A Detroit school board has settled with a mother after getting her fired from her marketing job in retaliation for demanding in-person learning for her kids.
IN ECONOMIC NEWS
12) Some stocks coming unglued: Avis down 67% from November 2021; Tesla down 32%; Microsoft down 15%.
13) The useless snortgortler acting as Commerce Secretary, Buttplugs, has curbed funding for widening roads. Instead, the money is to be spent on bike paths.
-That’s right. Add a bike path to I-10. The stupid. It hurts.
14) Fed Chairman Powell has told Congress the Fed will raise rates this month. Way, way late, but you know . . . .
15) Meanwhile, as mortgage rates moved past 4.3%, mortgage applications declined by 9%.
-Can you say housing crash?
16) Fitbit has recalled 1.7 million Ionic smartwatches after 118 users were injured when the watches overheated. Two suffered third-degree burns.
17) Remember the on-fire super-cargo ship carrying all those Porsches and Lamborghinis? It sank.
-A life raft with a Maserati logo was reportedly discovered.
IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
18) The great Sam Elliott slams Oscar-nominated “Power of the Dog” over its allusions to homosexuality: “They’re all running around in chaps and no shirts,” like “Chippendales.”
-But do they get tips, Sam?
19) One-time presidential candidate Kanye West has fired his third divorce lawyer in battle with Kim Kardashian.
IN INTERNATIONAL NEWS
20) This isn’t exactly what most Americans want to hear: a Ukrainian Parliament member tells Faux News “We fight for this New World Order.”
21) The Gazprom “Financial Director” who supposedly committed suicide . . . did not.
22) The Demented Pervert tells Pootie-poot, “You have no idea what’s coming.” Course neither does the Demented Pervert.
23) “Madman Putin” and the Globalists’ misinformation play was completely false.
24) Well, well: When the uranium hits the fan: Germany now is considering extending the life of its nuke plants. I guess all that Russkie gas that isn’t coming forced a reappraisal.
IN CHINA VIRUS NEWS
25) New data says the China Virus vax is deadlier than the China Virus for those under 80.
26) The Fifth Circuit Court has upheld the injunction against the U.S. Navy regarding the vax mandate, ruling that a “jab or job” choice presented irreparable harm.
27) The WHO is planning a global governing instrument for future plandemics. Basically, everything we ever warned about.
28) Finally, Gen-Zers are turning to Tik Tok “agony aunts”—social media influencers—to solve their life problems.
-Yeah, I think having Kanye West and Britney Spears on call when you’re suicidal is a fabulous idea.
And that’s Today’s News
Larry Schweikart can be found at the Wild World of History and at Substack under Larry Schweikart and, for as long as they allow him, at Twitter @WallsOther and on Gettr at @OtherWalls and SOON on TruthSocial!