The News of Today is the History of Tomorrow
IN POLITICAL NEWS
1) As many expected, the Rutabaga will appoint Judge Ketanji Brown to the pending open Supreme Court seat.
2) Biteme cannot explain to a reporter why he wouldn’t impose significant sanctions on Russia, saying “Look . . . you know . . . every . . . uh . . . well . . . anyway.”
-There are sea urchins with more mental presence.
3) Don’t say the White House doesn’t have a sense of humor: Biteme just released an exec order on “Restoring Trust in Government through Scientific Integrity.”
-That’s what it says.
4) Another DemoKKKrat switches parties.
5) A woman who broadcast live on Patriot Day (January 6) was sentenced to 45 days in jail. Hoax News reporters everywhere silent.
6) Speaking of Hoax News, the White House Propaganda Minister, Little Red Lyin’ Hood Jen Psaki, plans to leave her position.
-Baghdad Bob reportedly has submitted an application to replace her.
IN ECONOMIC NEWS
7) How the Greens brought war to Ukraine (by denying energy development in the West).
8) A single company in Taiwan makes 92% of the world’s most sophisticated semiconductor chips.
9) The Rutabaga has frozen new oil and gas drilling leases despite a court-ordered injunction.
-The evil emanating from this administration is thicker than the dialogue from a new Peter Dinklage play…
IN INTERNATIONAL NEWS
10) Russian troops have seized Chernobyl and have taken the staff hostage.
-There is something rather fitting about the fact that the Russkies deliberately took the place where they had their greatest national embarrassment.
11) A squad of Chechen special forces “hunters” were sent to detain or kill Kyiv officials.
12) The Kremlin says that Pootie-poot will decide when the Ukraine invasion is over.
13) According to Germany’s Inspector of the Army, the military is “standing bare” and would have limited abilities in a conflict.
-Well, this is both good news and bad news, given the history of this nation.
14) Politico . . .POLITICO!. . says Pootie-poot was playing Biteme all along.
-Shocked! Shocked, I tell ya.
15) The fine moral guardians at Patreon have suspended a donation page for a nonprofit that is giving body armor to Ukrainian soldiers.
-Reportedly the pages to help out fascist Antifa and BLM are still a go.
16) Seeking any opportunity he can to weaken our own border protections, Biteme has started to divert agents from the southern border to “assist” with the Ukraine conflict.
-I guess that means they will stand at the Ukraine border and wave as illegal Russkie troops flock in.
17) Italy PM has demanded that luxury goods, be exempt from Russian sanctions.
-I guess Gucci loafers are a human rights necessity.
18) Can’t make this up: the Tolly-ban are now calling on Russia to “resolve the crisis through peaceful means.”
-Guess they took time out from their beheadings to write a missive.
19) Well, now Pootie-poot is scared: Megxit and the Ginger Duke have issued Twitter statements saying they “stand” with Ukraine.
-Hashtag to follow.
20) More symbolism without substance, as “concerned” UK shoppers urge supermarkets to change the spelling of Chicken Kiev to Chicken KYIV.
IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
21) Sally Kellerman, who gained fame as “Hot Lips” Houlihan in the movie version of “M.A.S.H.” has died from dementia at age 84.
-I will always remember her in the movie “Serial” as the multiple divorcee.
22) Someone has courage, or needs a paycheck: canceled comedian Louis CK is slated to appear in Kyiv.
23) Fitting: the horrid harpy Joyless Behar complains that the conflict in Ukraine could ruin her trip to Italy.
24) Sean Penn, filming a documentary in Ukraine, has met with President Volodymyr Zelensky during the invasion.
-No one has yet asked Veeta Vita Vindman for comment on whether this was treason.
25) With “berserking” price hikes at Disneyland in Anaheim, one outlet found it was cheaper to fly to France and go to Disneyland Paris.
IN CHINA VIRUS NEWS
26) U.S. vax rates collapse as, according to one health official, people” are just over it.”
27) A growing number of experts call on the U.S. gubment to recognize natural immunity.
28) Meanwhile, a federal employee union lawsuit says the Biteme vax mandate is executive power overreach.
29) The vaxxes increase the risk of miscarriage by at least 1500% when administered during pregnancy.
-Just thought you concerned Karens would like to know.
30) Finally, a Tina Turner tribute act has won a court battle after being sued for being so similar that fans confused her for the real singer.
Reportedly, Dorothea “Coco” Fletcher performed a show that utterly mimicked Turner, though it is not clear if an “Ike” lookalike came on stage nightly to give her a black eye.
And that’s Today’s News
Larry Schweikart can be found at the Wild World of History and at Substack under Larry Schweikart and, for as long as they allow him, at Twitter @WallsOther and on Gettr at @OtherWalls and SOON on TruthSocial!